Starting a new school: banish those first day fears

We all remember what it’s like to start at a new school. As summer holidays slipped away, worries would creep in about making new friends, coping with homework or getting lost in the labyrinth of corridors that made up our new school. At the best schools, however, much is done to assuage any fears about settling in, whether your child is going to school for the first time, or is moving up from primary to senior school.   A warm welcome at reception… “We really want girls to feel as comfortable as possible,” says Henrietta Lightwood, Director of Admissions for Badminton School, in Westbury-on-Trym, Bristol. “Little children tend to worry about what they will do at lunchtime, who they will sit with and whether they will be able to go to the loo. “When they first go into lunch, we sit them all together on a table with their form teacher and they have guides from Year 5 to look after them. Gradually, as the term goes on, we start mixing up the groups so that the new starters get to know other pupils. “A lot of pastoral care is provided at Badminton – from our house mistresses, teachers, nursery nurses and people who come in to help with our after-school care service if little ones have to stay late.”   A taste of what’s to come Many good independents invite children and parent in for a series of informal visits, to help them get their bearings and meet teachers and fellow pupils. “It’s about taking away the fear factor so that when you come back everyone feels more comfortable,” says Mike Horrocks-Taylor, Second Master of King Edward’s High school in Bath. “The children share contact details across the group so that they can telephone each other over the summer and build friendships before they come,” says Mike. Building team spirit and friendships at King Edward's School, Bath Prior Park College, an independent school also in Bath, runs similar events and makes sure that they are fun as well as informative. “At our induction day new starters meet their house masters and tutors, and we run a treasure hunt which is a great way of helping them find their way around the school,” says Dr Margaret Ruxton, Director of Admissions. “When they join they take part in team-building activities and a trip to Mill on the Brue, an outdoor activity centre in Somerset, for all Year 9 pupils ensures good integration between boys and girls and day pupils and boarders.”   Armed with knowledge Redland High in Bristol publishes a handy booklet to help new starters understand the school. “A couple of years ago we decided it was so important to help our new girls settle in that we commissioned a pocket-sized book, a guide to ‘Getting it Right at Redland High’,” says headmistress Caroline Bateson. “It’s written as a diary, in the voice of a girl called Kat who gives lots of details about her first term at the school. We give it to all our new Year 7 pupils in July so they can take it home and read it over the summer. It helps to dispel any anxiety that might otherwise build up during the summer holidays.”   Buddy systems Playtime and making new friends can be things that young children in particular worry about when starting a new school. “At Badminton, we have a ‘buddy bench’ where girls can sit if they want someone to come over and play with them,” says Henrietta Lightwood. “That helps the little ones along when they need some confidence.” Redland High publishes a handy booklet for startersMany leading schools run buddy systems where an older pupil is given the responsibility to help a new starter settle in. At Redland High, all new girls are given a buddy who meets them in the hall on the first day and looks after them initially to make sure that all goes well. “They can seek their buddy out at any time if they want to and that’s reassuring for many of the new starters,” says Caroline Bateson. The buddy system seems even more important for boarders, who may be coming to study from overseas and will have many questions in their mind regarding their new school. “Anyone coming in new to senior school at Badminton in Year 7 will be given a guide over the summer prior to them coming,” says Henrietta Lightwood. “She’ll know the school already and will send them an email over the holidays so that they can keep in touch. This is so helpful for boarders. They ask things like ‘is it cool if I bring my teddy’ or ‘can I bring my iPod?’ They don’t want to do the wrong thing!”Buddies are important at any age and at King Edward’s all newcomers to the sixth form are given a mentor. “We have a group of Upper Sixth pupils who volunteer to look after new starters,” says Mike. “They go through a training programme to help them deal with teenage issues and they form almost an extra layer of pastoral care. They really understand the value of helping those who are joining from outside.”   Moving up to ‘big school’ Making the move from junior to senior can be one of the most challenging phases of any child's life. “They worry about the size of the school – and the size of the older pupils,” says mother-of-two Nicola Thacker, whose daughter Lucy is starting senior school soon. Prior Park places great emphasis on pastoral care Good communication between schools in an area can really help with the transition. “Lucy has visited the senior school a couple of times this year for sports projects or arts sessions, so she’s got to know the school a bit. Also, as parents, we’ve been invited to a number of events there, which has made us feel more involved.” Schools that have both a lower and an upper school can ease the transition by encouraging integration. “We don’t consider Clifton High as a lower and an upper school; we see it as a whole school,” says head of Sixth Dr Alison Neill. “For example, some of the lower school lessons are taught by upper school specialists in, say, Latin and French. Also, lower school pupils benefit from the upper school facilities including the art, music and drama studios.”   Avoiding cliques Good schools do much to allow groups, forms and years to mix in order to avoid the creation of ‘cliques’. If large numbers of children are moving up from lower to upper school, year groups are usually mixed to prevent pupils who are new to the school feeling left out. Also, some schools hold social events across the groups or years to help new pupils settle in. “In the first term, we give a party for our new girls which is organised by members of the Sixth Form and on a House basis,” says Caroline Bateson of Redland High. “They’re usually themed, and we’ve had Disney parties, Harry Potter nights and talent shows. This really helps them feel part of the school.”   Not settling? Pastoral care is key If a child is struggling to fit in or settle at a new school, there is much that can be done to try to solve the situation. Good schools make it clear who children can talk to – whether it’s teachers, tutors, other pupils or house mistresses. Also, some boarding schools have counsellors who visit the school on a regular basis to have confidential chats with children about anything that is concerning them. The best school is a happy schoolAt Badminton, boarders have three people they can go to - a Head of Year, a form teacher and a boarding mistress - if they have any concerns. “Equally, if they’ve done particularly well at something and want to pursue it further, all those people can help,” says Henrietta Lightwood. Parents have a 24-hour contact at Badminton and someone they can get hold of quickly no matter what time zone they are in. Whether your child is starting at a day or boarding school, state or independent, you should always be made aware of who to contact regarding any concerns. That goes for your son or daughter, also (for more details, see ‘First steps into school’).If a new starter feels as though he or she isn’t really fitting in, then tailored pastoral care can be a lifeline. “Every pupil that comes in is different,” says Mike Horrocks-Taylor. “You can’t have a one size fits all pastoral care system. It has to adapt to the children.”   “Parents should be made welcome, too” Nicola Thacker believes that schools should be friendly places for adults, too: “Children watch how their parents make friends and that’s so important. If the playground is a friendly place for adults and there aren’t any cliques, then the parents will be more sociable and the children will follow their lead.“Parents should feel positive and welcome at the new school, so that they can pass on those feelings to their children. I think that senior schools are getting much better at this, but some primaries can still feel exclusive to many parents.”  For more advice about schools and family life, visit www.tom-brown.com